18+ Material for adults.
I asked on the instagram about the “normal frequency of sex” in the wake of my recent post about sexual introversion. Here is what people wrote:
nikoladubovik Each has its own. But more important is not the norm, but sex – with a loved one, not friendship)
dpozdina28 Sex for love.
alik_vlasov Once a month, normal! How to go to an expensive restaurant)
anna.belobrova Every 3-4 days, but the concept of the norm is generally vague, all people are different
anto_cycling What is the norm and who defines it? If you have a regular partner 3-4 times a week and preferably not just sex
kasumicoffee When many years in marriage, then 2 times a week is gorgeous.
foggy_lady Once a week, I’m fine
io_8695 I do not know, I do not have it
And they wrote to me in YouTube that I make excuses for my “meager sex life, instead of changing something.”
In general, as you see, the feedback is quite diverse. And I think that is normal. More precisely … I think that there are people who, for the sake of fashion, are “obsessed with sex.” And there are those who just have sex, as you have to. Or when you want. And there are those who would like, but now there is no relationship or some other circumstances. By the way, when something is not there, then it starts to be especially wanted. As if I were limited in something, it means that I am becoming directly needed. And when something is in abundance, but you begin to more soberly assess your needs. Although someone is “gobbling up.”
I think that in terms of sex, a lot is tied to physiology, stereotypes, outlooks on life and the “norm”, on the assessment of others, on fashion and type of activity. I will try to decipher the latter, since everything else, I think, is quite obvious. Type of activity, in other words, “type of employment” – what you do in life, how you earn, how much free time you have, etc. I noticed that in our pair the last parameter plays an almost significant role. When we lead a more idle lifestyle, relax more, we have less worries and stress, then we “turn on sex.”
Today, sex is an element of status. So it is promoted by the mass media, culture, celebrity. Sexuality, the amount of sex, sexual strength and all that is an attribute of success. If you are cool, then you have a lot of frequent awesome sex. Well, if you have sex only once a week on Fridays with the same partner, then you are of course normal, but obviously not celebs. Well, if your sex for the year can be written on a piece of paper in a column, then you can only feel sorry for the poor. What? No sex at all ?! Well, of course – a lost soul or an enlightened one, but the latter is not often seen.
Some people seem to use sex to increase self-esteem, and not to satisfy their desires and needs. After all, if you think seriously, is it really important whether someone has sex there or not? Is it necessary to have some particularly valuable skills in order to have sex? Or to be at least beautiful or smart? Or kind? Or rich? Yes, damn it, anyone has sex at all. Just what’s the cool thing about having or having sex? Or, in general, this whole topic with frequency and frequency. Once a day or once a year. What does it even change?
If people are vegans, they don’t eat meat. And there is me – I eat meat. Which of us is cooler? For example, I used to eat meat every day. And now I eat every two to three days. Our diet has changed due to health. Was it cooler once a day than it is now or, on the contrary, is it cooler now? It seems to me that the same story with sex. You should not attach too much importance to that for which such objective importance does not exist for you. I am surprised by the general obsession with sex. I can understand this, because at a certain period of my life I was also very interested in the topic of sex. But I can’t understand why this period should be extended to the whole life, if in fact it is not so with me.
I do not think that you need to feel flawed only because you are too lazy, reluctant or not attracted to have sex with another person. I would probably be tensed if, in principle, I lost my libido. That is, I would stop masturbating. That would be a little weird. I guess I would go for some tests. But speaking frankly, my sex life began long before I had a boyfriend. I have often and actively masturbated since adolescence. And the first sex with a man I had many years later. So I do not see anything surprising in the preference for masturbation, because this is the simplest and most familiar process for many.
Sex with people in itself is a completely different story. For me, for example, this is an emotionally and psychologically very laborious and energy-intensive process. I have many complexes, I am still shy, for me sex is difficult. More precisely, sex can be very simple if I just play a passive role as a decoration. But I don’t always like this role and it’s not always interesting, and this role often provokes an internal protest in me. In general, sex for me is associated with various experiences that can strain. In sex with a man, there are undoubted cool things, emotions. But if you take the average balance of labor and pleasure, you are often inclined to believe that it is easier to spend two minutes with a vibrator alone than to brew all this mess.
The best sex we have happens spontaneously. Without thought and preparation. It’s just some kind of “moment.” As I wrote earlier, these points depend on many factors. If you live together, work together and you are generally 24/7 together for 15 years. To accumulate some kind of sexual charge on each other in practice is not often obtained. And I do not see any problem in this. Although I used to worry, I thought “love has passed.” I was sad to be aware of the changes. But over time, I realized that this is all no more sad than the rain outside the window. Actually, I really like rain, and we walk in the rain, probably the only ones from our area. This is a Dutch habit.
I think that there is no norm in sex and cannot be. There are people who love one kind of sex, and there are those for which it will sound wild. If people who want to have sex with a person every day, and someone is not at all interested in this. Until the boundaries of the acceptability of other people and the norms of the law are violated, everything else is more than “normal.” And no one should be guided by anyone. And do not waste your energy on “sexual exploits” if you are not interested. And you do not become less cool if you do not have sex with anyone other than yourself. This is a personal matter for every person. And certainly not a reason for condemnation, ridicule or moralizing.
The most important sexual partner is always at hand. But sometimes my relationship with another person can also go too far. What I know for myself for sure – in one nightmare I would not want this to happen more often than I am ready for this. And let everyone have sex just as much as you write to yourself.