The envy I was taught

Envy is my main negative feeling in life. I didn’t understand what to do when I was jealous. I thought envy was a character trait of mine that could not be changed. I believed that I could just not communicate with that person and it would help. I was sure that I would get what I wanted and I would never be jealous again. But it was all bullshit!

The origin of envy is having an ego (self-awareness). Normally, we are aware of ourselves as individuals without comparing ourselves to anyone else and therefore not towering over anyone else. The bigger the ego grows, the more you compare yourself to others and the more you elevate yourself above others. The bigger the ego, the more you become envious and your self-confidence goes down. A vicious circle: comparison – envy – insecurity – compensation through domination – comparison – envy, etc.

I feel jealous. What to do? First, realise that an inflated ego is a way of manipulating people. For a person to become an achiever, to have a carrot dangling in front of his nose, for which he runs hard to get. Ask yourself the question – who inflated my ego and why? Who is benefiting from the fact that I am working harder, trying to get more and more resources, making an extra effort to finally feel normal?

Probably your parents or a relative. They compared you as a child to Masha or Petya, who were better at something than you were. They taught you to compare yourself to others. You have four, and what does Katya have – five? What a good boy Vasya is, look, he did everything faster than you. I guessed from the analogy that Ira sings better than me and Nastya has nicer shoes. And so we learned what envy is.

Ego can also be inflated to you by your boss at work or your husband/wife so that you do more and feel insecure all the time. You can also learn to compare yourself to other people, if that is the norm of communication in your environment. Ideally, improve your circle of friends and treat it as a bad habit every time you feel like comparing yourself to someone else.

And yet… I feel jealous. Angry. Getting annoyed. Moods get messed up. What to do? At times like this, I mentally “erase the reality around me”. In my mind, I imagine a wave of fire in all directions that sweeps everything away (a separate fireball I mentally send at the object of envy if it’s still in my mind). It helps to switch and start thinking about something else.

To avoid envy in the future, it’s important to decide what thoughts I’m cultivating in myself – the thoughts come from outside and it’s up to me to implement them in myself or not. I am good, he is good, she is good – and each one is his own with his own unique features and abilities. No one is better, no one is worse. There is no universal ranking. And I’m not competing with anyone on any parameters until I start playing this game.

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