The Peace That Never Comes
June 18, 2012
Why can’t my eyes look at you
with indifference?
You broke into my world,
shattering the joyful stillness of my soul.
I’m afraid to leave forever—
yet hopeless hope keeps me alive,
foolish and breathless.
I walk as if drunk,
a smile glued to my lips.
I dive headlong into dreamy haze.
Only night brings rescue.
To not see—
let that illusion fade,
the world that stirs the blood,
then pushes me to fall—
but lifts me back
before I touch the edge.
It never lets me go.
I Love You, Kitten
July 7, 2011
I love you, little kitten—
More than all!
I’m sure of it—
And it would be no sin at all
To spend a lifetime chasing
Just the thought of what I feel.
With wind-swept hair,
Your proud nose lifted to the sky,
You shape a smile upon your cherry lips—
But still, your warmth is not for me—
I’m just some guy.
Yet you can’t forbid me
From loving you like this!
I catch each glance, each breath,
With every cell of me alive—
And nothing in this world
Could shine more bright.
You’re a princess,
Queen of all that is—
Each second, I could scream it to the skies!
And your eyes—
So deep, so soft, so endlessly profound—
They wound me
With the cruelest kind of calm.
Still, I would gladly drown in them today,
Their embers burning quietly away.
In thoughts, a sweet blind fountain surges,
Of joy I never earned.
To hold your hand or brush your hair—
That warmth would freely flood my nerves,
While Cupid, foolish wretch,
Just smirks and burns.
Years will pass like dreams,
Then suddenly—
The morning strikes.
A brand new day, the sun again ignites.
And I—
I cannot tell what’s dream or life…
I only know I ache to love,
Or fall in love once more,
Or maybe just be born again—
To feel those fierce, forgotten fires
Rising, roaring,
From within.
All Lies Ahead
September 27, 2011
The star-maned lioness has yet to blaze—
She’ll light my path to glory, sure as day.
My work has yet to shape itself,
Ideas still slumber in their shell.
That wild, creative storm of thought
Has not yet struck me, uninvoked,
Nor roared within my mind unchained…
But wait — just wait a little more:
It’s all about to be proclaimed!
Life
24 July – 3 sept 2011 + 20.01.2017
Having walked the long road of becoming,
Wearing down each step with measured pace,
No cry released — so not to stir the others —
One day you’ll startle — age now in your face.
Weary of the steel-gray days unending,
Through nights slept soundly, breath in even flow,
You’ll sigh, with sorrow gently comprehending —
She left at dawn, beneath the cloak of shadow.
11.11.11
At eleven eleven,
On this festive Friday,
Ears twitch beneath tiny hats,
Hurrying to send
An important message,
Two cats and eleven kittens.
They made it! By a miracle.
They lined up—
Not perfectly, but as best they could.
With all their hearts, they wish to delight
The one they rushed towards.
Today is a significant day…
Though not inherently more so than others.
In essence,
We bestow its value,
For value resides within ourselves.
But people—
Stamping routines, freeing their minds,
Running in circles, speeding up,
Burying themselves in the daily grind.
For the depth of cold eyes,
For the blue sky,
For a piercing gaze,
For a sharp mind,
For the courage
To move forward,
For creative impulses,
For achieving goals,
For loyalty,
For reliability,
For love!
Will the Heavens Pour…
08.07.2011
Will heavens weep and cast their tearful rain,
Will years depart, their toll in sorrow plain?
And weary, will you wait for love’s embrace,
While life’s cold rails bear us through time and space?
The mundane traps us in its branching snares,
What once outshone the suns, now fades in airs.
A swarm of butterflies returns to worms,
Where two once walked, now one alone affirms.
The harsh decree of ages stands revealed:
In fleeting joy, what’s precious stays concealed.
A castle bright can rise on ruins grim,
Go mad, find peace—before the winter dims.
Hey, human, heed!
05.09.2009
Close your ears with tender flesh,
Take up steel or wood afresh,
Or don the plot, once loved, now worn,
And let its weight your form adorn.
Hear them speak — all truths, no lies,
No deceit — the arc of tusks cuts skies.
A soul laughs, caged, awaiting the feast,
Fumbling forward, seeking release,
Probing the void for a touch of wonder,
While things grow loud, and voices thunder.
Thrown to asphalt, abandoned, ignored,
Cast into mouths that once roared.
Another tongue, fierce, invades the air,
Its borrowed words a jarring flare.
Run, hurry, human — don’t delay!
Friends will lift you without pay,
Though worn and bloodied, your course unsure,
A hostage bound by bonds impure.
Time’s wild whirlwinds care not for faces,
Ignoring cries in empty spaces.
Colors drip on concrete bare,
And roots crack soil, their pleas laid bare,
For those who trample masks and grieve,
Yet fail to see, to feel, believe.
Then light will shriek through fractured night,
A spiral snaps, its fire bites.
A scorching beam will sear and pierce,
The flesh of fate, both cruel and fierce.
Hey, human! — You’ve lived through eras vast,
With thirst that burned from first to last.
So pause, and breathe, and take your time —
Live on, live more, while you still climb!
In the Metro
03.08.2009
Breath of light.
Steam and sun.
People swarm.
Crowds undone.
Salty air outside the pane,
Steam ascends — it bares its fangs in vain.
Faces fade, just shades remain:
Gray, black, white, and black again.
Paths divide — the silence chokes,
And roaring winds assault with strokes.
Silence,
The space constrains.
Penguin-people stomp the shards of life’s decay.
I run, too — swept away.
Seconds
14.04.2006
I’m sitting at a lecture on soil erosion in auditorium M2 at the Soil Science Department of Moscow State University. It was Saturday at 9 a.m., first lecture. Only I and three other sleepy classmates showed up. Igroglaz was usually among them (although he wasn’t Igroglaz yet back then, he was just Kolya). And we usually sat together at the front desk — me as the main nerd, and he as the cat’s faithful friend. But that day Igroglaz didn’t show up — either he was working or he was sick. Anyway, the girl was sitting there bored and wrote on a piece of paper:
Seconds strike with force, ignoring human plight,
As rains descend, grains vanish out of sight.
Erosion works its way, by nature’s own decree,
And here I sit alone — in yearning, lost to me.