I’ve already said it’s better not to compare yourself to anyone else. But we won’t get rid of all bad habits all at once, will we? So I’m sharing another idea that helps me compare myself more adequately and less traumatically. After all, as it happens – “look how well painted Mashenka, and you what? Have you found out how long Mashenka draws? We often compare ourselves with the achievements of other people who have spent much more time and effort than you.
Don’t compare your beginning with their middle
What’s the point of comparing yourself to someone who is 10 years older than you and thinking, “He’s got this and that. So wait, I still have 10 years to get what I want. Or say – you compare yourself with a girl with an athletic figure, and you yourself have gained 10 kg and you haven’t exercised at all. What’s the point? If she had a similar lifestyle, who knows what she’d look like now. And if you exercise as much as she did, that’s when you can compare more adequately.
I’m still convinced that even with a “peer” there is no point in comparing – everyone has different abilities, circumstances, desires and motivation. You just have to be kinder to yourself and forgive yourself for your weaknesses and imperfections. If it is not possible to completely eliminate competition with the world, competition and comparison from life, then do it at least “ecologically”. And preferably in a positive way.
You take people with similar results to yours and make the logical conclusion: “I’m OK. I am doing well, I am developing, I am good. Even if there is someone who is better at it, it’s not a surprise, there are a lot of people on Earth and there will always be someone better at something. And you will be better at something than someone else. What’s the difference? That’s the thing – diversity, everyone has their own strengths and their own pace.
And then you immediately think of twenty-year-olds bemoaning the fact that “at my age they’ve already made their million-dollar business” while I’m still at uni and living with my parents. And you know what – I was an ordinary girl in my twenties, too, without much achievement. And the funny thing was that I was extremely happy with myself. And I never once thought about any ticktockers with millions of dollars (luckily there weren’t all those social networks back then). But thirtysomethings bemoan the fact that everyone around them has already married, had children, started building a house, and started a family. Forty-year-olds are worried that their children are in some way worse than that neighbour’s Mashenka, and that someone else has a more expensive car and a bigger house.
And you look at yourself differently – through the eyes of those who might envy you and those who would like to have what you have. Not to show off in front of others, but to start appreciating what I have. There is enough of that as it is. And there’s still time ahead to go after what you dream of. It’s so exciting! And if you’re so keen to compare yourself to someone else, take someone like you, at your level, who’s invested as much time as you have, who’s got similar results. I’m certainly not alone!
And then you are bound to find people who are doing the same thing as you, but they have much better results. Even though you started from scratch together, both of you knew nothing, but here he has now achieved a lot and you haven’t. What then? Very simple. You’re probably not taking into account side circumstances – I’m not even talking about talents and abilities, connections, luck and other things.
Side circumstances could be psychological traits, illness, domestic difficulties, divorce, redundancy, having children and a host of other things that might have made your path more difficult. And yes, technically you started out together, but your path was different. One walked easily and had the breeze at his back, he had someone to help him, circumstances worked out well, and you could be struggling through thorns, be lonely and have some other obstacles.
That’s why comparisons are always a letdown. I’m unique, I’m cool. My life is going interestingly and well. I am strong. I can do everything. The way is not immediate, let some things work out slowly and hard. I have my strengths. I am no worse than anyone else. I am normal. And when someone compares you – that person is broadcasting their bad habit. You don’t have to do it yourself. You can just focus on yourself and celebrate how great I’m doing. I even make mistakes and miscalculate – masterfully 👑
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